


Country of None

by President Romana (asoldandtrueasthesky)



Category: Gallifrey (Big Finish Audio)
Genre: Gen, Graphic Description of Corpses, Implied/Referenced Torture, Mind Control, Mind Rape
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-24
Updated: 2017-02-24
Packaged: 2018-09-26 17:12:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,551
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9912743
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/asoldandtrueasthesky/pseuds/President%20Romana
Summary: There’s a rather short list of things Narvin enjoys doing and adventuring through alternate Gallifreys is not one of them. Unfortunately for him, Romana seems intent on assassinating herself at every opportunity and Leela’s always up for stabbing tyrants, even when they look horribly familiar.





	

**Author's Note:**

> (set between 4.1 and 4.2) 
> 
> This will probably get confusing later on so I’ll clarify that if multiples of a character are interacting with each other:  
> Narvin is always canon Narvin  
> Other Narvin is always AU Narvin  
> Leela is always canon Leela  
> Other Leela is always AU Leela  
> And so on  
> Anyone with Pandora in their head unwillingly will be referred to as Pandora

 

Romana hated the Axis. She hated all its worlds: the ones where their history had been made into a mockery of itself, important events missing or beyond recognition; the ones where even their evolution had been altered, leaving a planet inhabited only by rabbits (Leela had had fun referring to a skittish black and white one as Narvin) and even the almost comical ones, like the one where they’d all been married (Braxiatel had almost stranded them there, by losing K9 through a convoluted series of likely staged events).

The moment they stepped out of the Axis, she knew they were on the kind she hated most of all. The ones that were almost, but not enough, like her own. They had panopticons and Time Lords and TARDISes and dreary meeting and backstabbing counsellors but there was always something wrong, something broken, and it only served remind her that they couldn’t return to their Gallifrey, that their planet was lost and fallen, thanks, in part, to her own actions.

“This Gallifrey, it’s just like our own.” said Narvin for the fifteenth time. “Look at the capitol, there’s not a brick out of place.”

“So you keep saying,” said Leela,”but these Time Lords will turn out to be cannibals or slavers or-“

“Rabbits?”

Narvin sent both of them a look of such derision it would have been more at home on Romana’s face. “Must you two insist on criticising my every word?”

She raised an eyebrow. “I thought I was meant to be the naïve idealist.”

“If I did join in with your defeatist attitude, you’d only start disagreeing with me on principle. It is possible for me to be right, you know.”

“You see conspiracies around every corner; I disagree with you because I’m right.”

Narvin snorted. “You’re calling me paranoid? There’s something to be said for glass houses, Madam President.”

“Your bickering will only lead you round in circles.” Leela said and they both fell silent.

Narvin looked up at the twin suns and Romana found her gaze straying in the same direction. It was almost comforting. The last Gallifrey had been missing one, likely to some astrological phenomena long before it had been capable of supporting life, and everything about it had seemed alien. Even if it had been inhabitable, she wasn’t sure she’d have ever gotten used to the sky seeming so empty.

Narvin sighed. “We’ve been here two microspans, what could possibly go wrong?”

“Data from the last twenty scouts suggests there is a 47% chance of the native population not meeting the Mistresses moral standards, a 22% chance that there will be no species recognisable as Gallifreyan, a 24% chance this Gallifrey will be in a historical period of turmoil and a 3% chance they ritually eat their own kind.”

“Will one of you teach your dog to keep its mouth shut?”

“K9 is free to say whatever he likes!” Leela said, affronted.

“Apologies.” Narvin muttered, staring sullenly at the ground. “I didn’t realise the computer had more freedoms than me.”

“Freedom? You do not know the meaning of the word. You have never hunted for your kill, never ran through a forest in the dark-“

“I’ve ran for my life, does that count? There’s more to life than killing food like a…”

“Savage?” Leela supplied, an edge to her words. “Your people have the most freedom of anyone, you can be anywhere and any when but you lock yourselves in towers and cities instead and make your freedom forbidden. I will never understand it and if that makes me slow and stupid, so be it. ”

“Even if I don’t know freedom according to you, I know quite a bit about slavery.” Romana said pointedly. “Can’t you two have even one conversation that doesn’t turn into Gallifrey vs Aliens?”

“Hypocrisy has always been one of your greatest strengths, Madam President.”

“It’s not my fault you don’t play well with others, Narvin.”

Leela was still frowning. “What else would I talk about with him?”

“The weather?”

Leela wrinkled her nose. “Gallifreyan weather is too tame.”

“Sorry, I suppose I should have asked the technicians to add in a few tropical storms and devastating hurricanes, just to make you feel at home.”

“She’s provoking you, Narvin.”

“And how do you know I’m not provoking her?”

“Because I am blind, not stupid.”

Just as Romana gave up on ever getting them to have a civil conversation, she noticed Valyes rushing up to them, holding the doors to the panopticon open.

This Universe’s Valyes appeared to be nothing more than a chapter Castellan and he bowed deeply as they passed. “Madam Imperiatrix! I wasn’t informed you’d be with the prisoner, I could have served as escort.”

Narvin opened his mouth to speak, no doubt deciding he was the best liar of the three of them. “I-“

Romana elbowed him in the stomach and he lurched back, gasping. “I don’t remember giving you leave to speak.” She cast an imperious glance at the Castellan. “I _do_ hope you’re not implying I can’t handle a single prisoner without assistance.”

“Of course not, Madam Imperiatrix! I- ah- misspoke, I was merely offering assistance, in case you needed accompanying to the mindprobe chambers.” He winced, as if expecting to be vaporised for his troubles. For all she knew, he was right to.

“At this moment in time, you’re not required. I don’t need to be coddled.”

“Of course, Madam Imperiatrix.” He said and scuttled off. 

“How did you know the prisoner was me and not Leela?” Narvin asked as he massaged his stomach, sounding more than a little annoyed.

She sighed. “Think about it, Narvin.”

“Not all of us have such _unique_ insights into Pandora’s thought processes.”

“If Pandora looks like me, events must have diverged fairly recently. You’d have never been allowed freedom, even if you hadn’t declared your allegiance in this Universe quite so _boldly_. Pandora knew about your hand in Darkel’s plan, she’d never have trusted you.” She said, as if it were obvious. “Plus, I _like_ Leela, even when channelling the spirit of long dead tyrants.”

“Glad to know where I stand in the scheme of things.” Narvin muttered but fell in step behind her, adopting a more submissive position in case anyone happened to glance over them. 

Leela didn’t move, gripping her knife tightly. “I do not believe you. I would not stand by Pandora, even if she wore your face and spoke with your voice. I would kill her ten times over, for killing Andred, for stealing your body.”

“Actually, you’d have to kill her twelve times.” Romana said, rather unhelpfully.

“Well, maybe the Madam Imperiatrix isn’t Pandora.”

“Meaning what, Narvin?” asked Romana, voice dangerously calm.

“Leela said it herself- she wouldn’t follow Pandora. She would follow _you_.”

“ _I_ wouldn’t be going around calling myself Madam Imperiatrix.”

“Really?” Narvin asked, with false surprise. “If you’re claiming amnesia, there’s footage I can show you to jog your memory.”

Leela frowned. “Did Antimon’s camera not destroy itself when it almost destroyed you?”

“It records directly to the Matrix- though, now that I think about it, the Madam President destroyed _that_ too.”

“It was all a ploy, Narvin!”

“It didn’t seem that way from where I was standing.”

“Well, you, fortunately, can’t read my mind.”

Leela fidgeted impatiently. “Are we not going to return to Braxiatel? Narvin surely cannot want to stay here any longer.”

“No, I don’t want to stay on a world where I can be legally tortured.”

“Maybe you shouldn’t have campaigned so strongly for the mindprobe. I know I’d never be able to resist the irony.”

“How reassuring, it’s nice to know just how _different_ you two are.”

“If you have something to say, just say it, Narvin.”

He hesitated for a moment and then shook his head, the movement imperceptible. “Let’s just get out of here.”

“I’m not leaving yet.”

He stared at her, forgetting all about possible bystanders, voice rising in indignation, “You can’t seriously want us to live on this Gallifrey!”

“Of course not. I’ll leave, I just need to kill myself first.” 

He took a moment to process that. “We’re here to find a home, not assassinate Pandoras out of a misplaced sense of guilt!”

“I don’t feel guilty, Narvin. I just don’t want to leave Pandora in charge of any Gallifrey, is that such a horrible sentiment?”

“Maybe you should.” Narvin said and then paused, as if surprised he’d dared to say it aloud. He turned around, back in the direction of the portal. “I’m not getting drawn into another dangerous adventure, for no better reason than the _Madam President_ has a whim. You two seem to have a knack for escaping any situation unscathed but it evidently doesn’t extend to me.”

“And you were so optimistic only half a span ago.” She sighed. “Fine. Find the portal and wait for us.”

She watched him walk back the way they’d came, something almost like worry tugging at her. “And Narvin?”

He turned just in time to catch the whistle she tossed at him and scowled. “I’m to babysit the tin dog as well?”

“I merely thought you might need the _tin dog’s_ assistance, were you mistaken for this world’s Narvin again.”

He had the grace to look sheepish but didn’t reply.

Leela watched him leave thoughtfully. “What is the problem with Narvin today?”

“He’s always argumentative and contrary, pay him no mind, Leela.”

 

*

 

Narvin had to grudgingly admit that Romana’s precaution had been right. He’d only gotten half way back to the portal before he’d been recognised and dragged unceremoniously by some footmen of the Chancellery Guard.

He held his breath as they pushed him into a cell but the two guards didn’t notice that there was already another Narvin adorning its corner.

 _Thank Rassilon incompetent guards are universal_ , he thought, as he stepped closer to his counterpart, unable to suppress a shiver of repulsion at what he saw.

The other Narvin’s face was gaunt, his robes torn and stained, and he watched him warily, looking more like a cornered animal than a Time Lord. When he finally spoke, his mouth moved but his face stayed flat and expressionless. “If this is part of some sort of mindgame, Romana really has lost it.”

“And declaring dictatorship is a well-known hallmark of sanity?”

“Who are you?” the other Narvin’s voice was hoarse and devoid of tone but his mind betrayed his every thought, his shields in tatters.

He faltered. Though it was hardly the first time Narvin had seen a victim of the mindprobe at its highest levels, it was rather different when the victim was yourself. His mind felt red and bloodied, like claws had gouged out every important thought and memory and much else besides, and what was left had been haphazardly stitched back together, a poor facsimile of a Time Lord mind. _Ironic indeed_ , he thought, with a stab of anger at his Romana.

He tensed his own shields as much as he was able, for as much as his own comfort as his counterpart’s dignity. “You, obviously. From a Gallifrey where none of this,” he gestured at the cell, “happened.”

“How fortunate for you.”

The silence lingered as Narvin searched for something to say. “Why do you call her Romana?”

“Is it more respectable to refer to her as _Madam Imperiatrix?”_

“I meant, why not Pandora.”

Derision flooded from the other Narvin, the emotion strong enough to slip through his strengthened shields. “They’re ruthless, power-mad politicians turned Supreme Rulers of Gallifrey/the Universe/time itself, feel free to point out the difference.” He folded his arms. “You’re going to mess up my plan.”

“Yes, you seem to have everything figured out. Going to mount a coup from the dispersal chamber? Going to spark a revolution when you can barely hold a conversation?”

There was no spark of indignation from the other Narvin, he merely held his gaze and said, “The savage visits me. She tells herself it’s to gloat or insult me or something but really, she’s here to listen.”

He nodded. “You’re trying to turn her against Romana?”

“I’m not trying, I am. Turning her. She _is_ going to kill her, sooner or later.”

“Just like the original Pandora. Fitting.”

“All the old nursery tales come true eventually.”

Narvin paused. “How much of history are you planning to repeat?”

“Isn’t that enough?”

“Would you exact revenge on this world’s Leela?”

“I’m not planning to throw the savage into a timeloop straight after, if that’s what you’re thinking. If I’m even alive to see it. What does it matter?”

His eyes were still vacant, his face still slack and Narvin couldn’t help but wonder if he was even capable of true emotion anymore, if Pandora had taken that from him as well, if all he could ever do was his duty. “How far have you gotten?”

“Far enough that she’s stopped stabbing me every time I say something against Romana. Not far enough that she won’t raise the alarm when she comes in and finds two of us.” 

“I can get you out.” Narvin said and blew the whistle the Castellan hadn’t bothered to take from him. “I can play your part well enough.”

“You think you’ll have any more luck?”

“I know her better.” He said. “I didn’t come here alone.”

The other Narvin considered that. “What happened to your Gallifrey?”

“I didn’t say anything happened to it.”

“You’re here, aren’t you?”

He looked away. “Romana defied Pandora but their war almost destroyed Gallifrey anyway. And then there was a virus.”

The other Narvin nodded. “So you went looking for other Gallifreys. But are you looking for a cure or a home?”

He shouldn’t answer, shouldn’t think about it, but it was hard to lie to himself. “I don’t know. I don’t know what I’m doing here. They don’t trust me. Losing all my lives wasn’t enough, I’m starting to think it’ll take actually dying for one of them before anyone realises I’m not biding my time to stab them in the back.”

“ _I_ don’t trust you.”

“Well, you’re me.” He said, feeling almost guilty for how relieved he felt when he heard the buzz of K9’s staser.

“I think Leela will notice your sudden change in robes.”

Narvin pulled off his robes after a moment’s hesitation and half a minute’s difficulty, reluctantly replacing them with the tattered, dirty outfit.

The other Narvin paused at the now unlocked door, looking back at him one last time. His face was still blank, his tone flat and free of inflection but there was something there, some modicum of empathy. “Whoever’s trust you’re trying to gain, it’s not worth it. Save your Gallifrey.”

 

*

 

Leela was huddled close to her as their vantage point was rather small, close enough that it’d have been rather scandalous if anyone had seen them.

“Narvin was right.” She said. “She’s not possessed. She’s _me_. There’s Pandora there as well but it’s not all her; I can’t tell where she starts and I begin.”

“How can you know any of that for sure, when we are so far away?”

“I just do- it’d feel different, if she were under duress, I’m sure of it. But we can’t assassinate her now, we need to lure her somewhere empty, or at least somewhere no one would come to her aid. The lower levels, perhaps? We should go there, choose a spot, in case it’s all different here.”

“You go. I will stay up here.”

Romana blinked. “Are you sure?”

“I want to watch this other Leela. I want to know how she can stand by this false Romana’s side.”

“This Leela isn’t you. It doesn’t say anything about us.”

“Doesn’t it?” Leela frowned. “Narvin was right, this world is not so different from yours. It is like there was a tiny change, a pebble rippling in an ocean, and it changed the tide.”

Romana turned away, having no satisfactory reply to that. “Be careful.”

“I will be fine. Time Lords like to ignore me, I will certainly draw less attention than you.”

 

*

 

The lower levels were the perfect place to walk about unchallenged, completely empty and abandoned. She’d expected to find discontented shobogans, even an underground rebellion to bolster, not a ghost town.

Romana couldn’t help but reach the inevitable conclusion. Genocide. She fumbled to find another explanation, Pandora wasn’t an idiot, she knew she couldn’t just decimate whole sections of society, she wouldn’t have anyone left to rule. Unless, she thought, with growing dread, she just loomed more obedient subjects, ones who’d never known life before her regime.

Before she could ponder any more on the matter, a storm of someone else’s emotions slammed into her- anger and hate and something like fear- and as she whipped round, someone tackled her to the ground.

 _Narvin_ had her pinned down, his knee digging into her stomach. She struggled, physically and mentally, writhing under his grip and attacking his undefended mind. He pushed a staser to her neck, finger poised on the trigger.

She stopped and focused on getting her breath back, a hard feat with all the weight pressing on her ribs. Thank Rassilon for their respiratory bypass.

“If this is payback for earlier, you really need thicker skin.” She said, though she already knew it wasn’t her Narvin. This Narvin’s mind was shattered, completely without shields. Romana bit back revulsion, unable to ignore the instinctive wrongness, like seeing bones without flesh. “I’m not Pandora, you know.”

“Can you prove it?”

“She’s got my body, it’s not like there’s a secret birthmark I can show you! Why would she walk down here, alone?”

“She has your body because you gave it to her. I heard you talking all about the Imperiatrix Imprimatur, back in the Matrix, all that time ago.”

“You’re wearing his clothes.” She said, she could see the tear in the shoulder fabric, exactly the one he’d been complaining about for the past two Gallifreys. “Did you attack him too?”

“They were given voluntarily.”

“Ah. You switched places.” She said, finally starting to struggle for breath under his weight but somehow managing to sound as if they were discussing it over an afternoon tea. “How very generous of him.”

“Believe me, it wasn’t for my benefit. He’s trying to save this Gallifrey.”

“As am I. If you know where he’s from, you know I’m not the person you want to kill.” He pressed the staser up against her chin, forcing her to stop making eye contact. “I’m sorry for whatever Pandora did to you but I’m not the person who hurt you.”

He laughed, the sound short and harsh. “You think this is about revenge? It’s about keeping all Gallifreys safe. I’ve heard enough about you to know you endangered your own, that you’re not as immune to Pandora as you claim to be.”

She lifted her head, fighting to get him to look her in the eye. His blank face was beginning to seem uncanny. “Do you think I chose this? She tricked a child, not a President. Would you really hold me responsible for a choice I made centuries ago? If the Patrexes Academy was completely devoid of adults manipulating you for their own ends, lucky you.” 

He seemed to consider it for a moment. “And if you’d met the original Pandora as a child, would it have been morally wrong to kill her, to save Gallifrey from her chaos? Good intentions aren’t enough, not when the entire planet’s at stake.”

She tried to laugh but it came out as more of a cough. _On seconds thoughts_ , she thought, _fuck Rassilon_. Most species weren’t aware when they were being slowly suffocated, at least not for very long. “The greater good? You’re talking like Brax!”

“I’d ask him for his opinion, but in this Universe you had him killed.”

Her limbs had slackened from a lack of oxygen and her mind was fuzzy, thoughts blurred and incoherent. It was hard to remember why she should be fighting. “Get it over with then.”

He raised an eyebrow. “Usually, I’m encouraged to keep talking.”

“Well, evidently a seasoned executioner such as yourself won’t have a change of hearts. So do it. Kill me for crimes committed by someone else.”

He frowned slightly, the first real expression she’d seen on his face but then the sudden sound of footsteps jarred his hand. He discharged the staser and the recoil smashed her head against the floor.

A wave of electricity and pain travelled up her spine and then everything stopped.

 

*

 

Narvin was far from a stranger to having a knife shoved against his throat but usually Leela meant him no real harm. This other Leela was unpredictable, wild, _savage_. This Leela wasn’t his friend.

He tried not to breathe which of course just made his treacherous body slide towards hyperventilation. “You won’t stab me.”

“I have the authority to kill you, if I wished to. You do not matter to the Imperiatrix.”

“Of course, you’re at the command of your Mistress now.”

“I am no one’s pet.” she snarled.

“If it were a lie, wouldn’t you have knifed me in the hearts by now? You’re her attack dog, exotic and dangerous, something that can be leashed, controlled. A link to the past she’s lost. To her, you’re not a _person_.”

Leela shoved him, hard, and Narvin yelped as his head hit the floor with a resounding crack. Her knife once again pressed into his neck, this time hard enough that he really did have to hold his breath, the blade on the edge of breaking his skin.

“You have argued that the lives of a dozen aliens- those that were little more than _children_ \- are worth less than a drop of Gallifreyan blood, you have argued that aliens are not worthy enough to step foot in your esteemed Academies, as if their very presence would pollute the ground you walk on and you expect me to believe _you_ see me as a person? Choose your next words carefully, _Time Lord_ , or they may be your last.”

He laughed. “You really would kill me, savage? There’s a world where we fought together, comrades in arms, united by a common cause. There’s a world where you tended my wounds. There’s a world where I’d die for you.”

There was a pause and for a microspan he thought he’d gone too far, too quickly but then Leela lowered her knife and moved off him, doubt clear in her face. “What cause would that be?”

“Romana.”

She stepped back, her gaze more calculating. “You are different. You have his face and his voice but that does not mean anything on this world. Who are you?”

“Narvin.” He said, wincing as he pushed himself into a sitting position. “But perhaps a different Narvin than the one you intended to torture.”

She laughed this time, the sound short and brittle. “You think this is torture? You are definitely a different Narvin.”

“Then why did you come? To hear what I have to say?”

“You have nothing to say but taunts and grand claims you cannot prove.”

“I have nothing to say but the truth.”

“You deal only in falsehoods and tricks.”

“Not this time.” Narvin said, beginning to almost enjoy himself as he pressed on. “The truth is, you hate what Romana has become. You hate what _you’ve_ become. How would you term it? You’ve taken the dark path through the forest, haven’t you? Can you see without the light?”

 

 

*

 

“Leela, what are you doing skulking about out there?”

Though Leela had no sense of sight or telepathy, she was sure there was something different about this Romana already, something off, though perhaps that was just wishful thinking. “Did you have need of me, Romana?”

She let out a sigh. “How many times do I have to tell you to address me with respect? I’d really rather not have to vaporise _you_ as well.”

“Imperiatrix.” She amended. The word tasted vile on her tongue.

“I suppose you can’t help it, alien brains are so _small_ , aren’t they?”

“Or Time Lords are just big-headed in comparison.”

She laughed and Leela flinched. She was all wrong, cruelty where there should be understanding, if not compassion; apathy instead of passion that bordered on obsession. Leela stiffened as the other Romana drew closer, her hand brushing hair away from her face. “I never will tame you, will I?”

She moved back a step, feeling rather like she was a piece of prey being played with. How could any version of her submit to that? If they’d been two ruthless warriors, cruel but equal, that she could almost respect- as well as despise. They’d be enemies worth dethroning. A Leela cowed and tamed was just pitiful. “Is that what you are trying to do?”

“When I’m bored.” Leela had a feeling this Romana was often _bored_. “The Doctor tried, didn’t he? To civilise the savage.”

“The Doctor taught me the things I wished to know.“ she said carefully, beginning to regret the whole thing. She was treading a tightrope, a single wrong word and she was sure Pandora would _know_ , would turn her hate and bitterness on her instead of this vague amusement at watching her twist and squirm.

“Well, I suppose you’ll just have to keep up the elocution lessons. You’ll be spouting scientific terms in no time. Or at least, you won’t be asking me questions every time I need to discuss the Web of Time.”

“I can learn.”

“Of course.” She said, in a placating sort of tone, one she’d heard directed at loomlings. “How is Narvin?”

“Annoying.”

“I don’t know why you insist on visiting him, he knows nothing of importance, he’s been drained dry. The amount of attention you give him, I’m going to get jealous.”

She hesitated. “I only visit because of how he was before. He insulted my students, did not care about their deaths.”

Romana grabbed her by the chin, forcing her to look up at her, though her eyes could only guess. Her fingers laced delicately around her neck and Leela’s hand gravitated to her knife but it stayed there, frozen.

“Don’t lie to me, Leela. I _really_ don’t like it when people lie to me. You know what happens to people I don’t like.”

Leela knew she should wrench herself away, stab her in the hearts there and then, to hell with Romana and her plans. Instead, she said, “I feel sorry for him.” 

Romana changed in an instant. Leela was sure she’d started smiling, careless and charming, but even if she’d had sight, she wouldn’t have been fooled by a predator. This Romana was a snake trying to hide its poison by dulling its colours, a lion hiding its danger by sheathing its claws and putting away its fangs.

“Careful with that big heart of yours, Leela, was he not your enemy? If you get too attached to him I’ll have to oubliette him, it’s like feeling sorry for a pigbear you’re raising to eat. Talking of, are you hungry? I know how human appetites get.”

Leela nodded. Anything that kept her hand away from her knife was welcome.  It was a game of pretending and unfortunately, one she wouldn’t win by stabbing anyone.

She called for food and not more than a second after the words left her lips, it arrived. Leela wondered if they’d sent it back in time or something, disobeying the Laws of Time just to avoid trying their Imperiatrix’s patience. Narvin would have been furious.

“Do sit down, Leela.”

She went to sit, almost tripping over a table that hadn’t been there in the old office. She scrambled to her feet, making it to her seat and hoping Romana wouldn’t comment.

“I’ve never seen you graceless before.” She said, voice dripping in false concern. “Do you need your eyes tested?” 

Leela stiffened, hoping it was no more than a lucky guess. “I must be getting feeble and clumsy.”

She seemed to accept it and started up idle chatter, though Leela wasn’t quite so sure. Pandora had been easier to fight as an outright enemy rather than as a leopard trying to hide its spots. She couldn’t help but wonder whether it was all masks and facades and trickery or if there was nothing to hide, if she really was that unstable and mercurial, if Narvin was right and there really were two minds controlling one body.

“You’re so distant today.” commented the person who could not be Romana.

“I cannot stand the capitol for much longer. It is all noise with no meaning.”

“Hmm. Do you want to return to Davidia?”

“I do not have to go far. I just want to go somewhere quiet, empty, where I can be alone with my thoughts.”

“Well, in that case, the lower levels would do.”

 

*

 

Narvin listened to Leela’s retreating footsteps, wondering if his words had had any effect on her. He shouldn’t even care about it, this Gallifrey wasn’t his home and never would be, but he had to admit it was horribly easy to get drawn into another planet’s problems, to see its shortcomings and how to fix them.

He wondered if that’s how Romana had felt in her renegade days, hopping from planet to planet and leaving a trail of criminal interference so large and bold it was a wonder there hadn’t been a battalion of CIA operatives on their tail.

Well, it clearly hadn’t been enough for her to forsake her planet for good and he wasn’t going to sit in his counterpart’s place any longer out of a vague sense of philanthropy. He grabbed the whistle still sitting around his neck and blew it.

By the time he heard the lock click, he was almost certain K9 had delayed on purpose.

His metal ears twitched in something like annoyance. “This unit is capable of more complex actions that unlocking doors.”

“Not intellectually stimulating enough for you?”

K9 sped up, attempting to keep pace with Narvin as he slipped down the corridor. “Affirmative.” 

“Apologies for not ending up in a better protected pri-“ he began and then stopped. “I’m arguing with a _dog_.”

“This unit, while designated K-9 mark II, is not related to the Earth species canis lupus familiaris. The species is characterised by typical mammalian features such as-”

“I know what a dog is!” he snapped. “Return to the Axis and update Braxiatel on our progress.”

K9’s head lowered, as if disappointed to be dismissed from the adventure but faithfully trundled back the way he’d came. Narvin shook his head and continued down to the lower levels. A computer, dog shaped or otherwise, was not going to make him feel _guilty_.

The lower levels were suspiciously empty and he moved through to the next corridor slowly, sure something or someone was waiting to ambush him. Instead, he saw Romana limp and unmoving and he rushed to her side, all wariness abandoned, barely noticing his counterpart’s presence.

His other self said something but he didn’t really hear the words, too focused on what he couldn’t hear as he touched her wrist- a pulse. For a moment it felt like was the one who wasn’t breathing, full of recrimination, guilt, questions- _what would he do without his President?_ He’d just be lost in a sea of Gallifreys with a human who scorned him, leaderless, pointless.

Then he realised her mind was still there, not floating off into the Matrix, he wasn’t too late. “She stopped her own hearts.” He said slowly, logical thought returning. He turned to his double, anxiety quickly replaced by anger. “I told you the Romana of my world resisted Pandora!”

“She’s not safe! She admitted it herself, she was born to be Imperiatrix.”

“And that gives you the right to assassinate her?”

His counterpart crossed his arms. “You didn’t sound too concerned earlier.”

“She might not trust me but I trust her! She’s my President; I’d give my last life to protect her, I’d just complain about it in the Matrix afterwards.”

“Even if she was endangering Gallifrey?”                                                      

“We endangered Gallifrey when we helped Darkel! You’re as hypocritical as any politician.”

“I believe I’ve more than paid the price for that.” He said stiffly, but this time there was a tinge of regret to his frustration.

“So did she.” Narvin muttered and turned his attention back to his President, placing a hand on her arm and hesitantly reaching out to her mind. “Romana? Snap out of it, we’re not immortal, you need-“

 

*

 

“-to wake up.”

Romana stiffened in alarm, realising who was rousing her but it took only a microspan to recognise which Narvin was standing over her and she relaxed. A few macrospans ago, she’d have laughed at the thought of anyone from the CIA being trustworthy, least of all him, but then again a few macrospans ago, her circle of trust had been about as big as a plungboll. 

For several moments, she laid there, trying to work out what the strange feeling in her chest was before managing to ask, “What happened?”

“You stopped your own hearts. Presumably because _he_ discharged a massive electric current through your body.”

“I don’t remember that. The first part, anyway.” She blinked, trying to work out through a haze of confusion how injured she was. “Couldn’t you have mentioned not killing me before you set him lose?”

“I didn’t- I’m- I didn’t think he would kill _you_.” 

Deciding if she could manage snark she must be alright, she jumped to her feet. “You evidently don’t know yourself very well.” She gasped as her legs inexplicably gave out from underneath her.

Narvin caught her before she could reach the floor, helping her back to her feet. She pulled away from him, leaning against the wall instead. “It only half worked.” The pain was immense, now that her body had realised what it was missing, but that wasn’t really the problem. Time Lords were nothing if not good at compartmentalising, however serious the injury, it never stopped them from _thinking_. Staying upright was another matter. “Only one heart restarted.”

He took a step towards her, hand going out to support her shoulder and then thought better of it, turning to face the other Narvin. “Satisfied now?”

“I didn’t kill her.”

“I’m fine.” She said, which would have been more convincing if she hadn’t been half collapsed against a wall, hand clutching her chest. “Leela does this all the time.”

“With her completely human body.” Narvin said, unconvinced. “We need to get you to a medbay.”

“Because the supposed Imperiatrix showing up mortally wounded definitely won’t draw any unwanted attention to us. I don’t need a doctor.”

“It’s a medical emergency! Would you rather regenerate?”

“She’s right and you know it.” said the other Narvin. “We’d all end up dead or imprisoned.”

“Then we’ll go back to the Axis, Braxiatel will know what to do. Let this Gallifrey fix itself.”

“What if we can’t? What if our esteemed _Imperiatrix_ really does go mad and rewrites the Web of Time?”

“It doesn’t matter! This is a reality gone wrong, twisted, incompatible with the main timeline.” Narvin said, hands twisting into fists at his sides. “There’s a reason it’s tucked away in the Axis- it’s _wrong_ and nothing anyone does here will change that! You should know better than anyone, temporal anomalies have to be isolated.”

“So you actually do think this is pointless? I must say, Narvin, you’re a better actor than I gave you credit for.” said Romana from the floor.

He held out a hand to help her up. “Let me get you back to the Axis.”

“Not until Pandora’s dead.”

“You’re hardly going to make Pandora quiver in fear in that state!”

“I don’t need to.” She smiled. “Leela’s plenty terrifying all on her own.”

He sighed. “You never know when to quit, do you?”

“It’s never killed me before.”

 He stared at her. “You’re on your second regeneration.”

“That was-“ she stopped. She didn’t know what it was anymore, whether it had been an unthinking reaction planted by Braxiatel or if in that moment she’d known, she’d remembered and said _no_. She _couldn’t_ remember and that was infinitely worse than a memory of death.

What she did remember was how it had felt- all warm and burning and change and not-quite-painful, cells rebirthing themselves before they had even died, a paradox sustaining itself through sheer force of will, for just a moment being outside time, outside reality. There was a more primal part of her craving the quick relief of regeneration, every unburied instinct urging her to let go, to let everything happen as it should.

But Leela wouldn’t recognise a new face, she had no telepathy to tell her it was still _her_ in there, and after Andred, no reason to trust it would be. She winced, trying to focus on anything but the pain. “Let’s not talk about regeneration. If that double of yours has ruined my streak…”

“It’s a touchy subject for me, too.”

“What?”

“Never mind.”

The other Narvin twitched impatiently. “Now that we’ve established your precious Madam President isn’t actively dying, I assume I’m allowed to go back to the business of saving my planet?”

“Do what you like, I’m not going anywhere.”

“I wouldn’t go anywhere just yet.” Romana twisted in on herself, clutching her chest, as if her body had only just realised it really wasn’t going to get the level of circulation needed anytime soon. She continued speaking as if none of it was happening, her voice tight and strained. “If all goes to plan, our Leela will be bringing Pandora down to meet us.”

The other Narvin blinked. “You didn’t tell me I was meant to be preparing an _ambush_!”

“I wouldn’t worry, things very rarely go to plan.” 

Romana looked up at them. “Give me the staser.”

He hesitated. “Why?”

“It’s part of my plan.”

“What plan?”

“I’ll tell you when I’ve finished thinking of it.”

“How very reassuring,” he said, but handed it over.

She glanced at it. “You set it to just below lethal. It wasn’t about revenge?”

“Priorities,” he muttered. “Your plan, for one.”

“Right. What we’re going to do is-”

“Romana!” yelped one of the Narvins- hers, probably- tapping at her shoulder. She craned her neck to look behind her and found her mirror image grinning at her, Leela by her side.

“Oh, don’t stop on my account.” Said the other Romana, “What are you going to do?”

“Kill you.” She said decisively. It might have sounded more threatening if she’d at least been standing. She was at least sure the Leela standing there, stiff and taught, was their Leela- she was alert but her eyes weren’t tracking any of them.

The other Romana laughed. “I’m really not sure what you are but I can assure you, you’re not the most impressive assassins I’ve had the misfortune to meet.” Her gaze settled on the other Narvin. “But _you_ should be in a cell, so I expect you two are paradoxes or from some other timeline, other Gallifrey- ah, that’s it, isn’t it? We _can_ all still hear your thoughts, Narvin, having no mental barrier is so limiting, I’m afraid.”

Romana got to her feet and levelled the staser at her double.

The other Romana raised an eyebrow, as unconcerned as if she were nothing more than a rioting shobogan. “Do you really think you could fire two shots, in the hearts, with a weapon you’ve never trained with, before Leela here gutted you like a fish? You’re weak. Literally as well as figuratively, it seems. Doing the right thing never really works out, does it? Other people mess it up; they don’t know what’s best for them.”

“And you do?”

“ _We_ do.”

“You and Pandora, you mean? A ruler so incompetent and hated, she was killed by her own bodyguard the first time around?”

“The treachery of my- her- oh, even Gallifreyan pronouns are so limiting- has everything to do with the character of the Time Lords and aliens of old and nothing to do with our capability. Haven’t you seen how calm, how orderly this Gallifrey is? There’s no civil unrest, no challenges to our rule, no conspiracies and machinations.”

“Because you killed everyone who disagreed with you!”

“More effective than grandstanding for hours with High Councillors still stuck in the age of Rassilon. Any version of me must know that, must have considered it as a plausible course of action at some point.”

“Only when I had someone else in my head.”

“Of course, that’s why I’ll have to kill you. We’re not the sharing type and you’re one Romana too many.”

“I’m nothing like either of you.”

“If you say so.” Shrugged the other Romana as she sauntered closer to the three of them.

She tightened her grip on the staser but her knees were shaking and her vision had started to blur. She wasn’t sure if she could even hit the other Romana at all, let alone get both her hearts.

“If you’re really as different as you claim, this shouldn’t matter, should it?“ She pressed her palm against her forehead. Romana gasped, trying hopelessly to pull away from the all too familiar mental patterns as some strange amalgamation of the other Romana and Pandora ripped into her mind.

Her body was already at the point of collapse, she barely noticed when her knees hit the floor, barely registered a cry of “Romana!” in Leela’s voice but what did voices matter when someone could have her face, her voice, and be different in every way that mattered and it all seemed so far away anyway. Then the other mind pushed further against her crumbling defences and it was like a wave of freezing water was crashing into her and suddenly there was a familiar rhythm- _thud-thud-thud-thud_ \- where before there had been almost silence.

She felt, rather than saw, the other Romana hit the floor. Leela grabbed her arm, presumably responsible for the former.

Romana breathed, adjusting to the sudden relief of the pain in her chest, her hearts beating normally again. She let Leela help her up, though she still couldn’t hear what any of them were saying, their voices blurred.

She tried to take a step in Narvin’s direction. Electrical signals fired from her prefrontal cortex to her motor cortex, then down the nerves to the cerebellum where they simply stopped. She tried again and again, to do anything, signals firing in every direction, to every part of her brain, but not a single one resulted in movement.

Everything around her paled into insignificance as she realised, with growing dread, that she wasn’t alone.

_You think I didn’t realise how strangely the savage was acting?_

Leela stared at her, concerned. “Narvin, what have you done to her?”

“Why do you assume everything’s my fault? Pandora- the other Romana, whatever, just assaulted her.”

“I do not need sight to know she was hurt before we got here.”

“Granted, that did have something to do with me. Romana? Are you okay?”

She opened her mouth to warn them, to tell them to kill her before she could do any harm and instead smiled and said, “Better now I have both hearts.” 

Satisfied, Leela turned to deal with the fallen, now Pandora-less, Romana. “You will not hurt my friend again!”

She could only watch, a spectator in her own body, as she gripped the staser and jabbed it into Leela’s back. Her body froze mid-air, contorting, and landed on the floor with a sickening crack.

Pandora made her move closer and switched the settings on the staser to lethal. _Shall we finish her off?_

Romana tried again to move her limbs, to wrest control back from Pandora but she’d slid in insidiously and had taken every corner of her mind while she’d been weakened and focusing on every breath. _No no no no no._ It was like every nightmare she’d made her have- the Capitol awash with blood, her every enemy defeated and someone not her, wearing her robes and her face.

She’d never felt so caged and confined, not even on Etra Prime- at least there her mind had been her own, her thoughts had been private- and she reached desperately for something that was still hers. She found it- one last stronghold that Pandora hadn’t yet bothered with- her organs.

She focused until her heartsbeats slowed, the threat clear between them. She’d have smiled if she could. She could still control her life, or rather, whether it continued or not. _You’re the one who told me to stop being a snob and focus in Practical Biology, I’d never have imagined the skill would turn out to be so useful._

Pandora’s mind clawed at hers, trying to wrench her last remnant of autonomy away from her but she held fast. _Don’t be such a noble idiot. You’ll kill yourself and I’ll just slide back into this Universe’s Romana._

_Leave Leela alone and I’ll stop fighting._

Pandora turned away from Leela. _Behave or I’ll rifle through your memories. I know there’s a lot of things you’d rather not recall._

Romana focused on keeping her small stronghold, knowing she would go back on her promise the instant the threat wavered. It wasn’t as hard as it should have been, being content with a cage. She’d done it before.

“I’m not above saying, I told you so.” said the Narvin that had almost killed her once already. 

“That isn’t her and you’re half the reason she’s possessed in the first place.”

“Yes, that’ll be very comforting when we’re floating around in the APC net.”

Pandora grinned. “He has a point, you know. She’s not even fighting me.”

“As if I’m naïve enough to believe a word out of your mouth.”

“Oh, it’s true. A bargain for Leela’s life but of course, she forgot to include either of you in the deal.” Narvin didn’t reply. “You believe that, don’t you? Must be humiliating, playing second fiddle to a human savage.”

Images came into her mind unbidden, of her standing over Narvin’s body, Leela’s, Braxiatel’s, she couldn’t even be sure if they were her from her own unhelpful imagination or Pandora’s. She wished she at least didn’t have to watch as she was used as a weapon against her allies, it was a worse fate than rotting away in the deepest vaults of the Matrix.

 _Trust me, you’d change_ _your mind after a few millennia, but I wouldn’t worry, I won’t be using you for very long. Though actually, it would be prudent to keep a spare, perhaps I’ll have to postpone your execution, so you can find that out for yourself._

The other Romana stirred.

Pandora raised an eyebrow. “Allowing yourself to be caught off guard by a human, you’re slipping. It’s a good thing one of us was paying attention.”

The other Romana glared at her, getting up with as much dignity as she could muster. “Yes, I was distracted.” She collected the motionless Leela’s knife, frowning. “It’s surprisingly disconcerting, having ones head to oneself after so long.”

Narvin looked up at that. “Don’t you like it? Don’t you want Pandora gone, so you can rule for yourself?”

She pressed the knife against his neck carelessly. “No, not really. It’s like there’s something missing.”

Plans of murder that would never work were constantly spilling out of the other Narvin’s mind for them all to see. Pandora laughed, turning to him. “And what would your double think about killing this body?”

“It’s out of the question.” hissed Narvin.

“Is your President really worth more to you than this entire planet?”

“This isn’t my Gallifrey. Nothing that happens here _matters_.”

“Unless you die.” Said Pandora, levelling the staser at him. “Speaking of.”

Romana felt her intention to push the trigger a micro-span before she could do it. She did the only thing she could think of- brought her hearts to a stop, far more quickly than was safe. Her body resisted it, it was risky at the best of times and doing it twice in a day almost unheard of, and Pandora screamed, too merged with her to distance herself from the pain and for once, Romana wouldn’t be doing anything different, if she’d had control over anything other than whether her hearts kept beating.

Suddenly, Pandora’s presence vanished.

She wavered in the air for a moment and then collapsed, like a puppet whose strings had been cut.

 

*

 

Narvin wasn’t a stranger to being on the wrong side of a staser but it was different, without the prospect of regeneration. He’d always been prepared to die for Gallifrey, for its Presidents, even, but this wasn’t his planet, it was some twisted off-shoot that he should never have stepped foot in.

He resisted the primitive urge to close his eyes so he saw the exact moment Pandora’s smugness turned into fear and rage. Her scream that would have been satisfying, had it not been Romana’s as well.

He saw the moment she slackened, changed, became Romana again, but it lasted barely a micro-span before she collapsed, her body going still with a sense of dreadful finality.

The other Narvin was about to dive for the staser but he couldn’t stop his intention from being broadcast. The other Romana laughed, having already recovered from the quick return of Pandora and took the staser herself.

She kicked Romana’s motionless body out of the way. “Well, that was a stupid thing to do. I suppose your Universe’s Romana had more pride than survival instinct. And now I’ll have to kill you without an audience, what a disappointment. Oh, I know.” She knelt down next to Leela and prodded her ribs.

Narvin grabbed his counterpart by the wrist, telepathically making it clear that if he tried something foolish and got Leela killed, he’d be next. 

The other Romana jabbed the handle of her own knife into Leela’s stomach, making her wake with a gasp.

She blinked, dazed, one hand moving to touch her injured jaw. “Romana?”

“Well, yes, but probably not the one you were expecting.”

 

*

 

Leela sat up and tried to blink away a splitting headache, finding crucial seconds missing from her memory- who had attacked her?

"Don't move," said the other Romana, not bothering to even glance at her, her movements half agitated, half bored, "unless you want to die quicker."

“Narvin, where is our Romana?”

“She’s- she’s unconscious.” His voice wavered, it contained no certainty. “Pandora possessed her.”

Leela stiffened, hearing footsteps that were too quiet, too nimble to belong to any Time Lord.

“Oh, good, reinforcements. What’s the point in having a bodyguard if one has to kill intruders oneself?”

“R- Madam Imperiatrix, what is going on?”

“Our reality has intruders, interlopers. See for yourself.”

She felt the other Leela draw closer to her, examining her.

“Then she is a trick? She is not me?”

“I am no trick.“ It was strange, having her own voice parroted back at her. “I am a Leela who walked a different path.”  

“There is something wrong with your eyes. You are not watching anyone.”

“I cannot see. But do not think that makes me any less dangerous than you.”

“I am sure you would be, if you were holding a knife and I were not.”

“She’s our enemy, Leela.” Romana said. “All of them are. They came here to kill us. I told you, you can’t trust anyone, not here, not anywhere. It wouldn’t surprise me if the High Council are behind this somehow. They all want to depose us.”

“Trust me,” said one of the Narvins, “the High Council couldn’t pull off a conspiracy if their lives depended on it.”

Leela ignored both of them. “This is not loyalty, this is sickness. You are reliving a history not even our own, you have allowed a Time Lord to twist you into someone unrecognisable. I do not understand how you follow her, how you commit terrible acts in her name. She is every society we brought down with the Doctor, every figure of power and ignorance we despised.”

She hesitated. “Nature is harsh, it is not fair. No one ever promised it was fair.”

“The real Romana, the one you’re loyal to, the one who failed. She would not want to live like this; she would want you to stop what she did not have the courage to resist. Andred would want you to avenge his death.”

“I am the real Romana! I always wanted this! If I had resisted Pandora, delayed the inevitable, sparked a civil war, what would that have achieved?” she grabbed Romana, holding her up by the back of her robes, violently shaking her. “ _She_ is the imposter, a Romana cowed and weak. She had Pandora in her head the same as me, she made a different choice and it tore her Gallifrey apart! Kill her, Leela!”

“It would not be a fair fight.” She said, simply. “Give me back my weapon and we will see which of us is stronger.”

The other Leela stepped back and then moved over to the other Romana, kneeling at her feet. “I cannot kill her, Madam Imperiatrix. I have failed you.”

“I suppose killing something with your own visage is a bit much for your primitively wired brain to handle.” There was a thump as Romana dropped back to the floor and Leela winced. The other Romana’s voice was like softened steel and Leela could imagine her smile, bright and unguarded, though Romana’s had been so rare. “I forgive you.”

“I am glad,” said the other Leela as she stabbed her through the hearts.

There was screaming and the sound of a knife digging through bone and then of metal pulling back through flesh. A second blow, the crack of a broken rib. A soft thump. A knife clattering to the floor. And just like that, it was over.

She pulled her counterpart away from the body she couldn’t see, not gentle but not harsh. The other Leela collapsed onto her.

“My plan worked.” Said the other Narvin.

“Oh, please, none of this was you.” Narvin hissed. “Just help me get my injured President back to where we came from.”

“We are leaving?”

“I rather thought that was the obvious course of action.”

Leela held the woman who was like her in all the ways that didn’t matter, felt her body shudder in something like a sob. “So we will just leave her? She has killed people, done unspeakable things, betrayed everything she once stood for, for no better reason than she was told to. Obedience is no defence.”

“I can handle that. We’ll try her for all the crimes she was complicit in.”

“No,” said the other Leela, finally standing on her own two feet, limbs slack at her sides. “I will be judged by myself, not by any of you Time Lords. I will not allow your courts to patronise me just as my Im- Romana did. Leela, what sentence do you give?”

Leela hesitated. Despite how it felt wrong to take the role of the wise elder when she felt neither wise nor old, she knew what her answer was. “You know there is only one judgement I would pass.”

The other Leela fumbled on the floor and pressed something into her hands- a knife, still red with Romana’s blood. “If I deserve it, make it quick.”

“Oh, come on, isn’t this all a bit barbaric?” said Narvin.

“Dispersal is cleaner.” Put in the other Narvin.

“She asked for my justice.” Said Leela as she ended it.

 

*

 

Romana was dead.

He’d imagined the moment, when he’d had nothing to do but sit in his cell and await his next interrogation, but he’d never anticipated the reality being quite so bloody. Time Lords took care of these things cleanly, with dispersal and Oubliettes and stasers.

Still, he couldn’t help but feel a certain amount of respect for Leela. Killing a Time Lord the old fashioned way wasn’t as easy as it sounded, it took more strength and skill than one would assume, driving a knife into an organ as well protected as the heart, twice in quick succession, was no easy task. It had to go through ribs, several vertebrae, air sacs, the actual hearts, and all before regeneration could begin- the volatile energy would burn any human who got too close.

“Thank you for that graphic mental image.” Said Narvin.

His thoughts had spilled out in to the public domain again, he realised, with a flash of instinctual embarrassment. To cover, he turned his attention to the others. While he’d been savouring the moment of seeing his tormentor dead, Narvin and Leela had been huddled around Romana’s body, who certainly looked a lot less dead in comparison.

“A coma?”

Narvin glanced up at him, something accusatory in his expression. “Self-induced.”

“She does not know it is safe to wake up?” Leela asked. 

“No, and with the stress she’s put her organs through today she might never do so. We need to get back to the Axis.”

“The portal could be miles away by now, what if we are too late? Can you not tell her it is safe? You do not need words to talk.”

Narvin hesitated. “Well, yes, I could enter her mind but it would be an intrusion, one I imagine she’d react very badly too, considering the reason she shut herself down in the first place.”

“It would not be for very long.”

“It’s not as simple as that, it only takes a microspan to accidentally learn someone’s deepest secrets-“  

“Would you rather have her dead or angry with you?”

“That’s not- I already know she hates me, Leela, it’s the principle of the thing!”

“She does not hate you but if you risk her life because you do not want to offend her, I will!”

“You don’t understand, it’s not like that, it- it would be a _violation_ , of the highest order. I’m sure Braxiatel would have no problem with it, he has experience in the matter.”

“I could do it.” the other Narvin said. “My mind is damaged enough I barely have the telepathic capabilities of a shobogan, even in her most weakened state I imagine I won’t see anything she doesn’t wish me to.”

“That’s,” began Narvin, but whatever objections he had died on his tongue, “…actually not a terrible idea.”

Leela looked at the other Narvin, protectiveness edged in her every movement. “Do you trust him, Narvin?”

“Not with my life, or hers, for that matter. But unless you want to risk waiting for Braxiatel…”

Leela considered it. “It will save Romana?”

“Possibly.”

She turned to the other Narvin “You will follow her into her dreams?”

“Something like that.”

“You will be cold and lifeless, like she is?”

“For only a time, I hope.”

“Then if you do not bring her back, if you leave her there on purpose, you will be lifeless for longer than you hope.”

“Understood.”

He laid down next to her, taking her hand in his, closing his eyes and slowing his heartsbeats to match hers. Everything started to quieten, even time seemed to slow, as he let his mind flood towards hers, instead of edge as it should have. He hadn’t forgotten how to make contact, the knowledge was still there, but it felt like muscle memory with no limb left to move.

The last words he heard before he drifted into something not quite sleep and not quite unconsciousness were, “You wouldn’t _really_ kill him, would you, Leela?”

 

The world he found himself in was impossible to mistake for reality. Its landscape was strange and fuzzy at the edges- parts of it almost familiar, none of it entirely alien, and it seemed to change every second he wasn’t looking, but subtly, in ways he couldn’t name.

At the centre of it stood Romana. She was different, to both the versions he knew. Her hair was long, her eyes filled with a damning curiosity and her face was open, less guarded. She still had a quiet confidence about her but it wasn’t quite the level of arrogance and ego she’d attained as President.

He’d seen pictures, from the CIA’s case file on her, of her from her renegade days (along with the multitude of crimes they could charge her with) and while there was some resemblance, she didn’t look quite the same. It was more like when he’d seen her at her very first inauguration, seconds before the rod and the sash and the key had been bestowed upon her, two weeks before she ended up a prisoner of the daleks.

Then, he realised, that he was different too. His body was free of aches, the ever-present hunger had vanished, he wasn’t thin and underfed, his muscles hadn’t atrophied, and most importantly, his mind didn’t feel so broken. Here, he felt whole. Here, he could lie.

“Oh, Narvin.” Said Romana. “You’re the other one, aren’t you? It’s hard to tell in here. Are you dead?”

“Yes and no.” he said. “You’re alive, you know.”

“Really? This place reminds me so much of the APC net.”

That brought several questions to his mind but he finally settled on, “You’ve been in the APC net?”

“Long story. Rassilon gave me a pep talk and let me choose between existing and not.”

He blinked and waited several moments, just in case he’d heard that wrong. “ _Rassilon_ gave you his approval? And you never mentioned that when Darkel and Valyes and half the electorate labelled you an insult to his legacy?”

“Well, he tried to kill me when I refused to give him back the Presidency so I rather think they cancel each other out.”

Narvin decided not to question how big her ego must have been to deny the first and forever Lord High President of Gallifrey her position. Anyone who stayed around the Doctor too long evidently had a habit of getting tangled in affairs of the Universe that they had no business in meddling in and he wanted no part in it. Hopefully it wasn’t contagious. “Was it easy?”

“What?”

“Choosing between existing and not?”

“Gallifrey needed me, the entire multiverse was in peril, that sort of thing. Would have been terribly rude not to show up.”

“Then why are we still here?”

“It might not be safe.”

“Pandora’s dead.”

“I’m glad to hear that but I assumed as much when you said you weren’t.”

“Then what?”

“It’s not really true, is it?”

He bristled. “If you don’t believe me then-“

“She’s not really dead if I’m alive.” She met his gaze, daring him to agree or object. “When I first met her, she’d made me who I was. She’d shaped my every gene and I was young and foolish, and it’s easy to forgive my old self for that. But in the intervening centuries, I’ve made myself who I am and still, nothing changed. She still won, I was still nothing more than a vessel for her ambitions and the worst of it all is, no matter how terrible it was, losing every modicum of control and every measure of privacy- she was right. I felt complete.”

He kept silent. She’d never say any of it to the Narvin she knew, and probably not even to him if they weren’t in a place that seemed so unreal, it was hard to remember he really was a separate person and not a construct of her own mind.

“I would have killed Leela. And you. And Narvin. Does Gallifrey really need another President poised to tip over into hubris and murder when appropriately stressed?”

“Gallifrey has had a hundred and fifty Presidents and a hundred and forty nine of them suffered from hubris. The hundred and fiftieth was assassinated a week into term.”

She raised an eyebrow. “And why are _you_ giving me a pep talk?”

“I had a change in perspective. Partly because there’s a certain human who would be extremely angry with me if I returned empty handed.” He gave her a wry smile. “Since I’ve already tried to kill you, you don’t have to worry about events repeating themselves.”

“Quite.”

A silence stretched between them but it was comfortable, they were focused on themselves, not the presence of the other.

“I think I understand.” he said, finally. “Why you want to stay here. Here, I feel like I’ll never feel in reality again. I can hide things, I can lie, I can _choose_ what I share. My mind feels whole, not torn and my memories feel like mine, not a jumble of events that happened to another person. That’s why. It’s not because you want to be a martyr and protect every Gallifrey from the scourge of Pandora-Romana, as I’m sure you’re telling yourself. It’s cowardice. Staying is easy.”

Romana smiled, looking weary and _old_ for the first time since he’d entered her mind. “You’re wrong, I know all that.” She sighed, with an air of finality and Narvin felt the world dissolving around them, the ground disappearing from under his feet. “Living is harder.”

 

*

 

Romana woke to dizziness, discomfort and bone-deep exhaustion. Moving even an arm felt like a struggle as her body had spent the past half-span shutting down and slowly dying, but at least she could move it without permission from another mind.

“Rassilon,” she muttered, gingerly propping herself into a sitting position and ignoring the accompanying vertigo, “remind me to never do that again.”

“Romana!” Leela said as Narvin let out a subtler sigh of relief.

The other Narvin shuddered into awareness next to her and quickly scrambled away. “I trust you’ll let me live now, savage.”

“What do you mean?” Romana asked, as she tried to get to her feet.

“Don’t be ridiculous,” said Narvin, sounding as if he very much feared that was exactly what she intended to be, “I’ve lost count of the times you’ve almost died today, at least _sit down_!”

She ignored him and continued attempting to stand. He gave up and helped her to her feet. She leant against the wall as another rush of dizziness assaulted her, regretting the movement but too stubborn to return to the floor. That was when she saw the bodies.

There was a corpse identical to hers- stab wounds to the hearts, eyes glazed over, looking almost peaceful in death, despite the bloody mess someone had made of her chest.

And there was Leela’s, lying in a surprisingly small amount of blood. The killing blow had been to her carotid artery, a quick and efficient death. It seemed wrong that such a cut could end Leela, that no matter how fragile and breakable she might be due to her human biology, the only way she should die should be in some epic battle, in a blaze of fire and glory.

It was nothing like her dreams. Nothing like every nightmare she’d had, when Andred’s body had turned into Leela’s and she’d been left holding the knife, horrified and desperate and unable to do anything about it because she was only human, she had no lives left inside of her, nothing but blood that had run cold and a heart that had stopped.

“Romana, I am fine.” Leela said, putting a hand on her shoulder. “You know that is not really me.”

Narvin raised an eyebrow. “You’re having more trouble seeing Leela’s corpse than your _own_?”

“Pandora killed her.” She stated dully.

“No.”

“Then who?”

“I did.” said Leela.

Romana pulled away and twisted to face her, horrified. “You _executed_ her? For what?”

“She was no better than your alternate self. You have no problem with her being dead.”

“Who killed her?”

“The other me.”

“Then she changed!”

Leela narrowed her eyes. “Does one noble act absolve someone of all the other wrongs they have done?”

“Perhaps not but don’t you know the meaning of mercy?”

“You think I am brutal? Cruel? The world she helped make was harsh and cruel and held nothing more for her. That was her wish, I did not murder her in cold blood, whatever it is you think of me.”

“It was still a waste!” she stepped forward and then thought better of it, leaning back on the wall, though it did somewhat diminish the power of her tirade. “This shouldn’t be a world of sacrifice and death; we should be better. Better than them.”

“You will not tame me, Romana, do not try.” Hissed Leela. “She asked for death and I gave it to her. She did not ask for your _mercy_ and _civility_.” 

“Civility isn’t cowardice, Leela!”

“And my justice isn’t savagery. What would she have done, when this world returned to normal and she had to face that she was responsible for some of its injustices? Would the Time Lords of this world not blame her instead of themselves, would they not punish her in your stead?”

She tried to form a coherent rebuttal but all she could think about was Leela’s body, cold and gone and how it still felt like her fault. She felt her legs shudder underneath her, leant further into the wall and closed her eyes, exhaustion catching up to her.

The other Narvin muttered something unintelligible before disappearing down a corridor.

Narvin reached out to steady her. She stopped him with a glare, letting herself slowly sink to the floor instead, deciding it was somehow less damaging to her pride. “I don’t need anyone’s help.”

An uncomfortable silence fell until the other Narvin reappeared with a small speeder, big enough for three people. “Will this get you to your other Gallifreys?”

“It’ll suffice.”

He turned to Romana, arms folded behind his back. “I believe, upon re-examining the evidence, I may have been hasty in trying to kill you.” His thoughts swirled around him, too confused for her to make anything out but regret.

“I’m flattered.” She said and left it at that. There was an understanding between them that needed no words. “You’d better get up there and see what the Chancellery Guard have been getting up too while their President was assassinated.” 

“Twiddling their thumbs, I expect.”

Her lips twitched in an almost smile. “Your Gallifrey needs you”

“It needs both of us.”

As he left, Leela leant down next to her. “You need to let me help you onto this speeder thing.”

Romana looked at her, feeling old and scared and tired and entirely unpresidential. “Don’t tell me what to do Leela, not now.”

“Yet you never stop telling me what to do. You forget you are not everyone’s President.”

“I’ve never forgotten that. And I’ve never asked for your blind loyalty, have I?”

She didn’t reply.

Narvin stepped back. “Ah, I need to- Wait for me, will you?” He disappeared into the next corridor, following the way his counterpart had gone.  

Romana struggled until she got on to the speeder herself. The uncomfortable silence between them stretched and stretched until she found it unbearable. “I don’t know what you want me to say, Leela.”

“I do not want you to say anything. I just do not understand how you think _I_ am the one who struggles with darkness.”

She closed her eyes. “I don’t believe that’s a fair thing to say.”

“No.” Leela said, genuine regret in her voice. “I know it wasn’t.” 

The silence stretched on again. Romana was, again, the first to fold. “You’re human. I’ve made peace with the fact I’m likely to outlive you, statistically at least.”

“Then what is the problem?”

“I could go on if you perished in one of our adventures. I would avenge you and be heartsbroken, of course, but if _I_ killed you, whether under mind control or not, I would never be able to live with myself.” 

“I know.” Leela said, with a small, sad smile. “Do you think that makes you special? Why do you think I forgave you for Andred’s death?”

Romana thought about it for a moment, not wanting to say the wrong thing, which she seemed to be all too good at doing, and risk driving her further away. “You don’t need to follow me. I’m not your President.”

“You never have been.”

“I know. That’s why I need you. I need you to tell me when I’m wrong.”

Leela smiled, a peace offering. “You do not have to worry; I am not known for holding my tongue. The problem is, you do not always listen.”

“Well, I’m not always wrong.”

Leela shook her head and though unease still lingered between them, her tone became lighter. “We should hurry. Braxiatel will worry we have been eaten.”

“I think he’ll worry about a great many things before coming to that particular conclusion but you can go on ahead. I’ll wait for Narvin.”

“Try to bring back the right one.”

Romana watched her leave with heavy hearts, knowing there was a wedge between them that would only grow but with no idea how to fix it.

She waited on the speeder, too tired to try and find him on her own and he soon returned. For a microspan she mistook him for the other Narvin- he was wearing a crisp, white uniform again, not the old one he’d swapped.

“Where’s Leela?”

“She went on ahead.”

He took the front seat of the speeder, nudging it into hyperspeed. “She shouldn’t have left you alone, you need to get to the Axis medbay-“

“I’m fine.” She said, in a tone that wasn’t to be argued with. “Your uniform was the reason you stayed?”

“It’s my uniform. I’d rather wear Leela’s skins than my counterpart’s robes and who knows how long it’d be until I found another Gallifrey with a CIA.”

She pursed her lips at the mental image of the former. “You know, if its condition bothers you, Brax is a brilliant seamstress.”

“I’m not asking _Braxiatel_ for a favour.”

“Fine, I’ll ask him. He’d never say no to me.”

Narvin blinked. “Thank you?”

“You’re not used to accepting favours, are you?”

“Ones that don’t form part of conspiracies against the government? No.”

“Mm. Don’t think I’ve forgotten that.” She took in a deep breath as the Gallifreyan outlands rolled past them, still faintly relieved at every movement, proof she had control over her own body. “Maybe in the next world we’ll meet an evil Brax. Evil mes seem to abound, evil yous, even evil Leelas.”

“I don’t think you can call that version of me _evil_. He was desperate.”

“He almost killed me!”

“Yes.” He hesitated. “I’m sorry I endangered you today, Madam President. I had a lapse in judgement. It won’t happen again.” 

“I think it’s time we stopped holding ourselves accountable for whatever people who happen to look like us do. And you can call me Romana. I’m not really anyone’s President anymore.”

“You _are_ my President.”

“It’s a title you have to earn, you have to have a people to serve, at the very least, or the honorific becomes meaningless.”

“You have a people.”

She smiled. “A planet of four?”

He shrugged. “Better than a country of none.”


End file.
